Why is it that the one thing we all crave; the one thing that we all want; that one thing we actually all need is so hard to admit to. Why is it that we fight against our need for Love & Connection?
We download apps like Tinder to boast about how many woman/men we f*ck. We go out every weekend and spend thousands of dollars on cocaine, alcohol & one night stands, we claim it makes us happy. When confronted about our relationships - or lack of, to be accurate - we boast that we are much happier alone and that all we truly want is a few f*ck buddies from time to time.
Who are we trying to convince? Are we really that dramatically effected by the opinions of those around us & those who interact with us through social media? Are we really that driven by our ego’s & insecurities that we can’t just admit that as human beings we need to feel Love & Connection?
This blog will be short but to the point. I will cover that one thing we all want but hate to admit to wanting. That one thing we crave above all else… Love & Connection. What it means to truly feel love, why we fight it & what we can do about it.
What is love?
Is love the thing we see at the end of an intense romantic movie. You know that one with Channing Tatum and some girl next door with a Texan accent wearing a frilly white dress with cherries dotted all over it. Sorry to say it but that ain’t really how love looks in real life.
Love looks more like hard work, constant fighting, disagreements, disappointments & challenges. But love also allows us to fulfil one of our most basic human needs, a need we ALL have (deny it all you want but deep down you know it is true). A need for connection with other human beings.
Love does not have to be reserved for the person you choose to have a sexual relationship with. You can love your parents, family members & friends. Strangely enough you can feel a deep connection with your enemies, rivals & competitors.
As human beings love & connection spreads into almost every aspect of our lives, from the places we work to the places we live & to the places we travel. So it is clear that we all need love & that love can have several different applications in our day to day lives. What is unclear is why we are all so afraid to admit that we need love or to admit that we care and love other people.
We all have 6 basic human needs; a need for certainty, a need for uncertainty, a need for significance, a need for growth, a need for contribution & of course a need for love & connection (Tony Robbins - 6 Basic Human Needs). Love is the need that can bring all our other needs to life, that is why love is so essential in our lives.
So you know what love is and why it means so much to you. What you probably don’t understand is why you feel this constant pressure and drive to deny that you want love & connection. Why do you fight against your basic human need for love?
Why We Fight Our Need for Love
We care to much about what other people think & we let our ego’s control our decisions. Yes it really is that simple! We live in a world dominated by the internet. A world on the verge of becoming more virtual than reality. A world were image is everything & our constant source of inspiration is whatever trends or goes viral on Social Media.
Unfortunately for us the most trending topics tend to revolve around three things; money, super hot people who have ego’s bigger than their biceps (or boobs) & sex. The underlining theme for guys tends to be, ‘F*CK B*TCHES GET MONEY!’ & for girls the theme is moving dangerously into the extremities of Feminism, woman trust men less and resort instead to independence and maybe a friendly cat.
All of this constant social media brain washing is destroying our perceptions of love. Instead of telling someone we love them or seeking out real connections we settle for one night stands, breaking hearts & ignoring each other. All because we want to make sure the world thinks we are cool, independent & following the trends.
Social Media is not the only issue, our ego’s are more dangerous than ever! In a society that raises children to believe that coming 42nd deserves a medal, that we deserve everything we want & that it is our right to be happy. In a society that gives us all the opportunities for success but none of the tools to deal with failure or the understanding of true hard work and commitment.
We have become obnoxiously entitled, we believe we deserve everything we want. However we have no desire to work for it, love requires a sh*t load of work & compromise. We are simply to damn entitled to love! Our own Ego’s are leaving us lonely & without real, deep & meaningful connections.
Instead we rely on apps like Tinder that fuel our ego’s and insecurities even further, we base our connections on image and one night stands. We convince ourselves that this is what we want while we chase our goals and aspirations. We tell ourselves that our constant state of emptiness & sadness will be fixed by a few swipes, a match and a f*ck. It never truly works does it?
You are your own worst enemy when it comes to love. Your dependance on other peoples approval & your own ego is preventing you from feeling true love & connection. So how do you fix the problem?
What Can I Do About It?
Close your eyes for a second.. go on.. close them. Now picture yourself in a public bathroom shooting up Heroin but struggling to find a working vein. You look at yourself in the mirror and realise that you only have two options; succumb & fall deeply into sadness, dependance & a lack of fulfilment or … YOU QUIT! You take the addiction on and make the decision to live by your rules & not the drugs.
Open Your Eyes Sleeping Beauty.
Learning to love and connect once again means that you have to remove the things that are stopping you from finding and fulfilling your most basic of human needs. You need to address and tame your ego & then remove your need to feel constant approval from the world.
Confront yourself and admit that you need connection, face your bullsh*t insecurities head on and begin by loving yourself once again. Remove your ego from the equation & let the people you care about know that you love them.
Cut the scrolling and swiping out of your life! Social media is amazing and a great tool for staying in contact with loved ones. Use it as such & stop basing your life on the images you see of ‘happy people’ on social media.
Chances are that Harry and his photos of drug fuelled Vegas parties that always result in him sleeping with some new stunning blonde are masking his deep insecurities. If Harry is truly happy then why does he have to convince the social media world he is. Harry is insecure and driven by his ego, if you want to be more like Harry then so are you my friend.
Same goes for you ladies, base your happiness on what is important to you not what the Kardashians tell you is important. You don’t need to give up social media just don’t base your life on the things you see on the internet. You do You!
The Simple Answer
Fight your ego, stamp out your insecurities and learn to love yourself for who you are. If you love someone or want to connect with the important human beings in your life then stop hiding from it. Don’t fear the judgement of other insecure people. EXPRESS YOUR LOVE!
Delete Tinder. Stop basing your life on what social media shows you & remove your ego from your love life.
Love and Connection is a need for all of us! Don’t be afraid to express your love for another human being & never be afraid to admit that you need connection. Love more!
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Love you all!
Paulo & Jacques.