“Mum is always right!”
Well that’s a load of sh*t (sorry mum! I know I shouldn’t swear). No single person in history, present or future is/will ever be ‘Alway’s Right.’ In fact I will go one step further and state that no one is in fact ever ‘right.’ We are all just trying to be a little less wrong each day, and that’s OK.
When humans assumed the world was round… were they right?
When everyone assumed the Sun revolved around the Earth… were they right?
When America voted Donald Trump into power… were they right?
When Mum told you that ‘Chicks dig 3/4 pants.’ …She definitely WAS NOT right!
Now before I get torched by the collective fury of every mum on earth I want to say that I love my mother more than anyone. Not all heroes wear capes & my mother is the biggest hero I know! It took me 28 years to realise how incredible this human being is.
Jacqui Butler this blog is dedicated to you (suppose I best stop swearing now).
A little context…
I wanted to get really deep with this post but soon realised that the thoughts that were floating through my head & the points that I wanted to state were far too much for this blog. They will in fact, be better suited for a book.. so that’s were they will go.
This blog is as simple as the title suggests; 3 life Lessons Mum Taught Me. Although mum taught me far more than 3 lessons I have picked the three lessons that I think you can relate to the most. The lessons that I believe, will benefit you in your everyday life.
Lesson One: Love the School Bully!
I wasn’t cool in school… Not even close & every time I tried to fit into what the ‘norm’ for cool was, I would be repelled faster than I could sprint (Oh I was quick). I never really got bullied in school though but there were moments when other children would bring me down, even make me cry.
If I am completely honest, I probably bullied more people than I was ever bullied myself. Kids are cruel but they struggle to understand what they are doing so it is best to look at bullying with empathy rather than fear, anger or sadness.
If you were to google search, ‘What to do if you are being bullied.’ All the ‘relevant’ titles that pop up give you sympathetic answers. Questions like; ‘Where to get support?’ & ‘How to Stop Bullies?’ are answered. None of these articles really tell you the truth though.
Bullying NEVER stops.
As you get older you notice that you are involved in far less physical confrontations but words become the ammo of ‘bullies.’ Words often become your ammo when you are bullying others. Yeh Mate! Sorry to say it but you are a bully yourself!
I suppose we must first understand the basics of why we bully each other. The full answer is long & full of big words that might be difficult to understand & very boring to read. So here is the shortened reason;
“We bully others to meet our basic human needs for significance & love/connection. We bully because it pleases our ego’s.”
“Love? How can you say we bully because we love…” When we bully others we feel more significant in front of our pears and to ourselves (our ego). Bullying others also makes us feel more connected with our tribe (the people we surround ourselves with), we feel loved.
Bullies (which is often us) are just bullying in order to meet their needs. It is an issue that you (and I) will have to face your whole life; so why fight it? Why try to prevent it? Why worry and feel hurt by it? Why would you let it get the best of you?
Embrace it! That is what most research won’t tell you.
Embrace bullying and love the person that is bullying you because she/he does not know any different. They are simply trying to meet their needs in a way that they understand. You will encounter bullies, critics, haters and trolls your whole life & as you pursue your purpose and begin ruffling some feathers that bullying will only get worse.
Take bullying with a grain of salt, don’t take it to heart. Learn to love the school bully!
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Lesson Two: Learn to Tie Your Shoes!
Life is a marathon not a sprint and as I recently found out Marathons take a lot of damn work (really wanted to swear in that sentence mum!). The first step before you even put one foot in front of the other, is to tie your shoes.
Tying your shoes may seem simple but it took most of us several days of practice to grasp the concept. The point… Things take time! In todays world we leave school already flooded with anxiety & the pressures of time.
How am I going to pass this 4 year University Course? I need to start saving for a house. I need to be married by 25 which means I need a career, car and enough money to buy a diamond ring. I better start saving for my retirement!
Mate you just finished school! Why the (insert swearword here) are you worried about retirement! Life is so fast paced these days & people’s lives are so easily accessible that it becomes hard to live in the present. It becomes hard to live a life working towards our own purpose, dreams and desires.
We leave school thinking we have to ‘make it’ fast, in an industry we are destined to hate until retirement. We have to earn as much as our parents earn & of course we must have that dream marriage like Jack & Sally on Facebook.
Here is the truth about every self proclaimed ‘successful’ person you see flaunting themselves & taunting you on social media. They aren’t successful at all. They are trying to feel significant just like you and me. 90% of the time they aren’t even telling the truth, that Lamborghini is hired and that model is being paid by the hour.
Success takes time & hard work, something your parents have probably told you many times. My mum spent decades fighting to create a life for herself and her children… DECADES! She almost died… twice. She fought against poverty. She fought for citizenship. She fought for her children. She fought off her husbands beatings!
My mum new that in order to run the marathon of life she had to take all the necessary steps, which would take time & hard work. A lesson she imparted on her two children.
My mum new that in order to achieve her goals & become her own version of successful, she had to first learn to tie her shoes!
Lesson Three: Give More. Expect Less.
That’s probably what you are. Ouch! That one probably hurt a bit, but the reason it is hurting is because it rings true. We come into the real world expecting everything to be given to us! We deserve that pay rise. We deserve success. We deserve happiness.
The truth is we don’t deserve anything.
The only thing we deserve is hard work. Being entitled isn’t really your fault, your parents probably raised you to expect everything. You were probably rewarded even when you failed. You more than likely had an allowance & if you whined enough mummy most likely got you that new car.
Although you are not at fault for being raised as an entitled human being who expects everything and gives nothing. You are responsible for the decisions you make now! Do you want a more fulfilling life? Then make the decision to change. Make the decision to give more & expect less.
Start by voicing your gratitude and contributing more to help others. Give, but don’t expect anything in return. If a friend needs support then offer it but don’t hold it against them like a contract that needs repayment. If a stranger needs assistance, give assistance but don’t expect a reward.
Lesson three is a hard one and some of you might be hating me right now while you read these words. Know that this lesson will offer more happiness and fulfilment than any other. Push past that ego and take complete responsibility for the life you want to live.
I hated my mum when she told me I couldn’t have more pocket money. When I couldn’t have a cooler car. When she refused to pay for my university or my travels. Now I realise just how lucky I am to have been raised to expect less, to have to work for the things I wanted.
Paulo is a prime testament to my mothers lessons. He has worked harder than almost anyone I know to get to where he is and he has only just begun.
Start feeling grateful for what you have. Learn to Give More & Expect Less.
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The If’s & But’s…
Some of you may be reading this blog thinking, “I don’t have a mother so this isn’t relevant for me.” or “My mother is abusive/spends no time with me. Why should I listen to these lessons?” I feel empathetic for you but this is just a limitation for you to come to terms with.
These lessons are still relevant to you & it is still ALWAYS your choice whether you apply them in your life or give in to your own limitations. You are the only person responsible for you!
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Paulo & I were so incredibly fortunate to have a mother willing to teach us the lessons that matter in life. A mother willing to sacrifice her own happiness in order to give her children the chance to become great human beings.
One of the biggest reasons we are working so hard on our passions today is due to you mum! We hope we make you proud & we hope that your lessons can help others who weren’t as fortunate as us.
Love you Mum.
Paulo & Jacques
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